Yes how dare I, to answer the letter i recieved about my audacity to slander a war hero.
Let me start by saying that speaking the truth is not slander. Yes my grandfather was a war hero to his home town. To his family he was a monster. I was affraid of this man when i was a child and i had no idea why. It was not until I was in my forties that my mother confirmed my fears by telling me about her and her siblings childhood. I will not ever be ashamed by speaking the truth. My grandfather raped and abused his children, he was a very disturbed person and this truth had to be spoken. You are free to keep him as the war hero that he was, I will keep him as the monster that I knew. So to answer your question about my audacity to speak such wrongs, these wrongs are truths that need to be spoken. Secrets will never help anyone. My grandfather will always be a war hero and in his last days on this earth he was deeply sorry for the pain he inflicted on his children. He spoke these words to my mother in his final hours. I am not sorry for speaking out and if it offended you please ask yourself why?
If there are any of you that would like to add to the belief of speaking the truth please do so.
3 comments:
I was 42 years old when I was finally able to speak the truth, not only to myself but most of all to my mother. The man she married when I was 19 months old had in fact had everything to do with the sudden and drastic change in my behavior,personality and tantrums. The problems continued because he was clever enough to be sweet and fun during the day despite my behavior while he consistently undressed me and fondled me night after night. "Momma, my "nancy" hurts me when I make pee" My mother never made any connection, even as I spoke those words out loud as a toddler again and again. She was resentful towards me as I was just looking for attention because in her mind I was spoiled. She took my behavior so personal that she believed I was just trying to get to her. I had no words to explain what was happening to me, and could only accept the unacceptable. My mother believed what she wanted to, back then. Everything was about her.It's an extremely complicated story but I am grateful that by the grace of God I went to an extreme treatment program and felt as if the weight of the world was finally lifted off me. I never would have ever told her but once I did, it all finally made sense to her.
Hi Lauren, I appologize for not replying sooner. I honor you! You are the vision of strength and beauty. You had the courage to own your power and the grace to move forward.
Actually it's me that should apologize. My life should not be an influence on who I am. But it has and there is so much more to my story which is after the facts that I have shared perhaps from some need for sympathy? I just can't say. So how bad I have felt ever since leaving you this comment? Worse, because at this point it is all just water under the bridge I guess. I have "survived" but it's just a word. Sometimes I can't help but wonder who will ever love me and how will I know it's true. But I recently read a church billboard sign that said "Man can look at you and see what you do but only God can see why. I want to see a better life for me and I'm just broken. I can hardly stand. So sorry I am to have given the false impression that it's so much better. It doesn't seem to go like that, I know you are so different. So fortunate. I wish I was moving forward, instead of holding on by a thread. God bless you.
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